Depression is not cool
Do you think depression is cool? You want to be on medication, you want to see a therapist? Do you know what depression is really like?
Do you enjoy school, do you get good grades? Well now you don’t. Concentrating will be difficult, too many thoughts will be whirling through your head for you to keep your mind on the subject. The people in your class are okay, right? You get on with them, you sometimes have a laugh. Not any more you don’t - they’re talking about you, you’re sure of it. They must hate you because they don’t sit with you any more. It’s hard to talk to people, and also hard to be alone.
What about hobbies? You like drawing, huh? You just can’t concentrate hard enough any more, you get upset if it doesn’t end up exactly how you want it; you’re rubbish, a failure, you will never get anywhere. Conversely, maybe you’ll draw more, but the subject matter won’t be the same. You might draw things that make people worry for you, or make people talk.
Okay, maybe you don’t like drawing. Do you like video games? They’re harder, now, it’s easier to get distracted or lose interest and get nowhere. You have no motivation and energy to finish the game.
Did you used to like athletics? Not now you’re depressed. You won’t have the energy to run or play sports. It’ll be too difficult, you barely have the energy to drag your body out of bed. Your joints and muscles might ache, you might start to get migraines. Forget about making yourself look good in the mornings as well; too much effort, too much energy. You won’t be able to sleep, either, but when you do, you’ll sleep and sleep and sleep - maybe you’ll have nightmares or vivid, disturbing dreams from the medicine you have to take.
You think meds are cool? You’ll get more symptoms than just bad dreams. Maybe you’ll gain weight, or lose some. They might make you feel more suicidal in some cases, they might make you dizzy or faint or nauseous. But you have to carry on taking them for a long while. It takes a while for the anti-depressant effects to kick in as well, sometimes as much as six months. You might have to try many different types of medication before you find the ‘right’ one, and even then the right one still has side effects, I bet.
You want to see a therapist now you have depression, right? Prepare to wait. Sometimes doctors will think you’re being stupid or being an attention whore and never refer you on to the correct services. The therapist you get might not be as friendly as you hope, they might give you useless advice, might tell you you just need to exercise more and eat healthier and it’ll all be fine. It’ll take months to get a new one, as well.
What about your family? They’ll be worried for you, so worried. Maybe they’ll get angry at you, blame you for your depression, like you can just snap out of it if you take a few pills and tell someone about your past. They might see your self harm scars or bruises, they might accuse you of being an attention seeker if your sleeve slips, or if you wear your swimming gear to the beach with them. They might not take your suicide attempts seriously, or maybe they’ll take them too seriously, keep you under watch at all times.
Your eating habits will change as well. Maybe you’ll eat more, the meds making your hungrier, or maybe you’ll eat less and less and your family will worry for you. Food isn’t interesting any more, it doesn’t taste of much, you don’t get excited about getting your favourite meal. You might start to develop an eating disorder because control is what you need most in your life; the rest of it spirals away like water in a drain, so maybe you start to develop anorexia or bulimia.
So tell me, is depression still cool or a desirable trait? Do you still wish to be like depressed people, wish to feel so out of place in the world that you might kill yourself?
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